So one of the promises made earlier this evening was an update on happenings at the gym. I'm sure you're all reading this breathlessly over your morning coffee and wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Well, keep reading friends, there've been three posts while you were sleeping. If you want to go read them in order, this will still be here after you've gotten your second cup.
OK, so everybody's back and caught up? Good. So stuff that's happening at the gym. The big news is that I signed up for the Equinox Equifit 30 Day Challenge. It's really not been that big of a deal thus far, since I'd already signed myself up for the same damn thing. I'm just hoping that I can win some fabulous cash and/or prizes that the gym is offering, since, you know, they've been stealing my money for the last four years. I think I'm in line for potentially two prizes, those for most times attended in 30 days, and most weight lost. I might win the third, but I can't remember what it was.
The story behind it is one of which my father would be proud. I impulsively signed up by one day after a workout. "Oh look, they're having a fitness challenge. That would tie in really well with the Did You Just Call Me Fat Twice? Fitness Challenge. Crap, I just made eye contact with the trainer manning the table. Look away, LOOK AWAY!"
"Wait, I don't have to avoid this guy. I want to sign up for this. Whaddaya know?"
As it turns out, that was an annoyingly made decision.
It was not for any reasons like "oh, I don't want to lose weight or hold myself responsible." It's annoying for the simple reason that the Equifit 30 Day fitness challenge is a total fraud designed to hold you captive for two hours worth of pitch meetings, like a potential retiree exploring time shares in Vail or Lauderdale.
Not that I'm bitter.
And yes, I'm overusing the "paragraph pause as comic delivery" method.
Also probably the "should-probably-be-hyphenated-quotes" method.
Anyhoo, the pitch meeting. They get you signed up for the Challenge, then tell you that in order to qualify for the prizes you have to get a fitness assessment with a qualified trainer. Fine, whatever, I understand you guys have to make sure I'm not going to pass out and die during a corporately sponsored event. Let's get me weighed, measured and evaluated, you can give me the rates on personal training, I can laugh and tell you that I'm unemployed, we'll move on. But the kicker here is that they also offer you a free personal training session to help get your Challenge started on the right foot. I'm not one to turn down a free anything at this particular point in 2009, although I did expect that the workout was going to leave me incapable of movement for three or four days since that was what happened the last time I got a personal training session. Instead, I got a surprisingly dull workout warmup and assessment, then a thirty minute discussion of a sixteen week program that I could do that would guarantee me a weight loss of sixty pounds. The workout was four times a week for sixteen weeks, at $60 a pop if I paid for all the personal training sessions in full up front. If my middle-of-the-night math is accurate, that's about $3840. Umm, no thanks. Again, unemployed.
But what really got to me about this particular scheme was the implication from my trainer that I was doing things wrong, and this would severely hamper my ability to lose any weight whatsoever. Apparently my cardio plan is ineffective, my weightlifting is faulty, my form sucks, and my quads and calves are out of balance. Fine, I can understand that, but at this point, I feel like my weight loss challenge is mostly about discipline like I've never seen before. Actually working out and eating healthy for extended periods of time is going to help me at least get down to a place where I feel the trainer can come in and do some refining. It's the whole Michelangelo didn't chisel away the rough rock, he only came in for the finer carving once the assistants had cleared most of the excess away.
Now that I think about it, that didn't even really get my goat that badly. This guy is just trying to make a living after all. What really irked me were the promises to discuss my cardio workouts and make them more efficient, then when I asked about what I could do, getting the response of "Well, I can help you, but I'd have to monitor every cardio workout you do for the next sixteen weeks." Really, Keith? I'm going to pay you sixty bucks an hour to stand on the next treadmill and press buttons for me? I don't think so. I'm not sure why this bugged me so badly, since it's probably a great business model for the Lincoln Park-located gym. All I know is that it smacked of dishonesty and manipulation. So screw these guys, I'm going to do this on my own. Now, off to bed for me. I've got an interview on Wednesday.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Radio silence
So obviously one of the things that's new and exciting around here is the weight loss challenge between me and Alice. The only problem is, I have no idea how she's doing over in Blighty. And yes, I learned that term from my lone British friend here in Chicago. The lack of communication isn't Alice's fault. She's just been crazy busy with a new job, and we haven't had much time to catch up lately, especially considering our only method of communication right now is via the text message chat on our iPhones. Although I suppose I could have sent an actual email from my actual account to hers, I just haven't wanted to bother her while she's getting acclimated to a new environment. As a result, I have no news to report at all on the progress of the challenge.
In a way, I'm pretty happy with those results. Obviously I'd love to hear from Alice in general, and specifically that she's absolutely destroying me in the challenge once again. But I'm taking the lack of external competition updates and filtering them through my desire to keep working hard in the absence of information. What I've come up with is the good news that I think this program is gonna stick. It's not a competition this time, just a simple determination that I'm going to make myself follow through on this no matter how long it takes. Though, seriously, I'm really hoping to see some more significant results in the next month as a result of the weightlifting and cardio. Through day ten of the competition, approximately last Thursday, I was down one pound. It was frustrating, but I'm taking the improvement in blood pressure as the reward for now and pressing on. Keep it tuned here, kids, and hopefully we'll have a more meaningful update on the competition some time in the near future.
In a way, I'm pretty happy with those results. Obviously I'd love to hear from Alice in general, and specifically that she's absolutely destroying me in the challenge once again. But I'm taking the lack of external competition updates and filtering them through my desire to keep working hard in the absence of information. What I've come up with is the good news that I think this program is gonna stick. It's not a competition this time, just a simple determination that I'm going to make myself follow through on this no matter how long it takes. Though, seriously, I'm really hoping to see some more significant results in the next month as a result of the weightlifting and cardio. Through day ten of the competition, approximately last Thursday, I was down one pound. It was frustrating, but I'm taking the improvement in blood pressure as the reward for now and pressing on. Keep it tuned here, kids, and hopefully we'll have a more meaningful update on the competition some time in the near future.
Catching up
Hey folks, lot's happening the last few weeks here at NOTMY HQ. Things have been heating up on the job front, with some solid leads and meetings that might actually result in me getting out of the house on a daily basis. Other than my frequent trips to the gym that is. Let us not forget those. Because I am serious when I tell you that I have been working out at or above a sixth grade level for the past three weeks.
What? You don't believe me?
OK, having reread that first paragraph, I can see why you might be inclined towards a certain amount of disbelief. Well, that first paragraph and the entire span of my life in which I've had this blog. But this time things really have been different. I've been hitting the cardio for four to five hours a week, and am starting to work in the weightlifting this week in preparation for some unfortunately timed carbo-, protein- and fat-loading on Thursday. Freakin' Thanksgiving, scourge of the weight-loss competitor opposed by someone across the pond. My only hope is that Alice hasn't gone completely native, and decides to celebrate the religious oppression of her British forbears by cooking up one honker of a turkey. Perhaps even Turducken? With some delicious buttery mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, sweet potato marshmallow casserole and pumpkin pie?
Help me out here, Shirley.
Where was I? Ah yes, the regular working out. It's going pretty well. I feel better, my blood pressure is down ten points on the high and low since I started, and I'm sleeping much better. I haven't seen the weight loss numbers that I thought would correspond with all this cardio, but for now I'm telling myself that it's related to the creation of a base of muscle that will enable some rapid loss later in the year. The good news is that I'm not discouraged by the lack of pounds lost. I'm still going to the gym with my brother four and five times a week, and have started to make some new acquaintances. (More on this in the next post in about five minutes) I'm slowly moving away from "sketchy guy who comes in once a week" towards "gym regular," and it feels pretty good.
Now if only we could do something about that stinking economy.
What? You don't believe me?
OK, having reread that first paragraph, I can see why you might be inclined towards a certain amount of disbelief. Well, that first paragraph and the entire span of my life in which I've had this blog. But this time things really have been different. I've been hitting the cardio for four to five hours a week, and am starting to work in the weightlifting this week in preparation for some unfortunately timed carbo-, protein- and fat-loading on Thursday. Freakin' Thanksgiving, scourge of the weight-loss competitor opposed by someone across the pond. My only hope is that Alice hasn't gone completely native, and decides to celebrate the religious oppression of her British forbears by cooking up one honker of a turkey. Perhaps even Turducken? With some delicious buttery mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, sweet potato marshmallow casserole and pumpkin pie?
Help me out here, Shirley.
Where was I? Ah yes, the regular working out. It's going pretty well. I feel better, my blood pressure is down ten points on the high and low since I started, and I'm sleeping much better. I haven't seen the weight loss numbers that I thought would correspond with all this cardio, but for now I'm telling myself that it's related to the creation of a base of muscle that will enable some rapid loss later in the year. The good news is that I'm not discouraged by the lack of pounds lost. I'm still going to the gym with my brother four and five times a week, and have started to make some new acquaintances. (More on this in the next post in about five minutes) I'm slowly moving away from "sketchy guy who comes in once a week" towards "gym regular," and it feels pretty good.
Now if only we could do something about that stinking economy.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Working hard, or hardly working?
My brother and I have had an ongoing argument about exercising for the past two years, give or take a few months. It's not the usual brotherly dustup about who's drunker than whom*, or whether Eric Gagne should be a starter or reliever**. We've been arguing at a very low level about the benefits of cardio on the various elliptical machines found on the floor at most decent gyms. He's vehemently anti-machine, and I'm mildly pro-Skynet.
*fake, though probably one that could and should have been discussed at many points in the last eight years.
**Sadly, a real historical argument that ended badly.
As currently constructed, the argument goes something like this.
CT: "Those cardio machines don't challenge you enough to truly get you in shape."
BT: "I'm out of shape so badly that I need to build up to the more strenuous stuff."
CT: "You don't challenge yourself enough to make any progress."
BT: "Shut up, I hate you....pass me the french fries."
Obviously that's a rough translation, but it neatly encapsulates much of my weight loss efforts to date. Work on the easier stuff with an eye towards increasing intensity at a later date, while not really doing much about my diet.
Well I'm happy to report that is not the case as of the beginning of last week. I went grocery shopping at Whole Food and elsewhere, and have been making my own balanced meals, including lots of fruit and vegetables, whole grains and chicken and turkey in lieu of red meat. In addition, I've been to the gym five times in the last eight days, and meeting my minimum goal of exercising at least four times every week. I've increased my exercise times on the machines, and started tracking my progress lifting weights. Basically I've been doing all the things I set out to do at the beginning of this chronicle two years ago.
It's nice to be motivated for the first time in what seems forever, and it's a topic we'll be discussing more of in the weeks to come. Hell, there might be some graphs and pie charts and stuff. Suggestions are welcome. Cheers.
*fake, though probably one that could and should have been discussed at many points in the last eight years.
**Sadly, a real historical argument that ended badly.
As currently constructed, the argument goes something like this.
CT: "Those cardio machines don't challenge you enough to truly get you in shape."
BT: "I'm out of shape so badly that I need to build up to the more strenuous stuff."
CT: "You don't challenge yourself enough to make any progress."
BT: "Shut up, I hate you....pass me the french fries."
Obviously that's a rough translation, but it neatly encapsulates much of my weight loss efforts to date. Work on the easier stuff with an eye towards increasing intensity at a later date, while not really doing much about my diet.
Well I'm happy to report that is not the case as of the beginning of last week. I went grocery shopping at Whole Food and elsewhere, and have been making my own balanced meals, including lots of fruit and vegetables, whole grains and chicken and turkey in lieu of red meat. In addition, I've been to the gym five times in the last eight days, and meeting my minimum goal of exercising at least four times every week. I've increased my exercise times on the machines, and started tracking my progress lifting weights. Basically I've been doing all the things I set out to do at the beginning of this chronicle two years ago.
It's nice to be motivated for the first time in what seems forever, and it's a topic we'll be discussing more of in the weeks to come. Hell, there might be some graphs and pie charts and stuff. Suggestions are welcome. Cheers.
Answering the Bell
Hi there, dear readers. I hope you're ready for an exciting new announcement here on NOTMY.
Waiting...
Waiting...
OK, here it is. After much free international texting on WhatsApp for the iPhone, Alice and I have decided to rekindle our weight loss competition. Since she's so busy with the new job and all, neither of us has posted in quite a while, but I'm taking the liberty of releasing this bombshell on the world while Alice is working her 9 to 8 job. The rules are the same as last time. While I don't exactly remember what those are, having started this post without reviewing, I recollect it went a little somethin' like this:
-Weigh-ins are on Monday morning, weekly for four weeks.
-Contestants are on the honor system for reporting.
-No metric system allowed. It's the King's ludicrous measure of weight or nothing.
-To protect the dignity of the participants, measurement will start at zero and decrease to negative numbers as weight is (hopefully) lost by both participants.
Technically I believe there was a final requirement for a certain amount of posting by each of the participants, describing our ordeals and tribulations and successes. I'm fairly certain Alice will not be fulfilling those parts of her duties for reasons described above. So you will have to settle for me and my reporting. Wish us luck, follow us here on the blog and perhaps check my Twitter account for news of new postings. I can be found at www.twitter.com/Blako36. Cheers.
Blako and Alice.
Waiting...
Waiting...
OK, here it is. After much free international texting on WhatsApp for the iPhone, Alice and I have decided to rekindle our weight loss competition. Since she's so busy with the new job and all, neither of us has posted in quite a while, but I'm taking the liberty of releasing this bombshell on the world while Alice is working her 9 to 8 job. The rules are the same as last time. While I don't exactly remember what those are, having started this post without reviewing, I recollect it went a little somethin' like this:
-Weigh-ins are on Monday morning, weekly for four weeks.
-Contestants are on the honor system for reporting.
-No metric system allowed. It's the King's ludicrous measure of weight or nothing.
-To protect the dignity of the participants, measurement will start at zero and decrease to negative numbers as weight is (hopefully) lost by both participants.
Technically I believe there was a final requirement for a certain amount of posting by each of the participants, describing our ordeals and tribulations and successes. I'm fairly certain Alice will not be fulfilling those parts of her duties for reasons described above. So you will have to settle for me and my reporting. Wish us luck, follow us here on the blog and perhaps check my Twitter account for news of new postings. I can be found at www.twitter.com/Blako36. Cheers.
Blako and Alice.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
JRR Tolkien would be proud
Hey all, by which I obviously mean my four dedicated readers. Who anxiously check this blog hoping beyond hope that this is the month I decided to post for the sixth time in 2009. And clearly love me far more than I deserve. Though this love has not manifested itself in anything resembling an offer to clean my condo, nor drive me to the grocery store.
(sigh)
As usual, I digress, albeit more whiningly than usual.
No comments, please.
Where was I? Oh, right. Continuing this blog's strongest theme, I'm back and promising to write more frequently than historically has been the case. Laugh if you've heard this one before. Mostly it's just a case of me being really bored, and deciding that it's been too long since I've written anything longer than a Facebook status update, or more interesting than a cover letter. We'll have some new features, some positive mental attitude, and also as usual, overly descriptive stories about trying to go to the gym and failing. Get excited!
(sigh)
As usual, I digress, albeit more whiningly than usual.
No comments, please.
Where was I? Oh, right. Continuing this blog's strongest theme, I'm back and promising to write more frequently than historically has been the case. Laugh if you've heard this one before. Mostly it's just a case of me being really bored, and deciding that it's been too long since I've written anything longer than a Facebook status update, or more interesting than a cover letter. We'll have some new features, some positive mental attitude, and also as usual, overly descriptive stories about trying to go to the gym and failing. Get excited!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Uncertainty
I write this latest post with no knowledge whatsoever of what my competition is doing. As certain readers have noted, there's been an astonishing amount of silence from the participants in the DYJCMF challenge. (By the way, while we're on the subject, we need to come up with a new name for round 2 of this challenge, Alice. I swear it takes me a full minute to type DYJCMF.) I am sorry about that, especially for the newer readers who haven't yet gotten used to being disappointed by NOTMY on a regular basis. Had a bit of a busy week two weeks ago, when I was getting an application to work for the FDIC ready, as well as meeting with some people about this damnable job search. So there was exercising being done, I just didn't have time to write about it.
So I'll give you an update now. The week four weight loss was either nil, or plus eight pounds, depending on a quirk of measurement. You see, the weekend that ended week four was spent in Louisville for my brother's 30th birthday. The diet that weekend mainly consisted of beer, whiskey, soda water and cheeseburgers. So I got back on Sunday, weighed myself on Monday, and the scale showed I had put on eight pounds. That was a bit of a shocker, as you can imagine. All my hard work had been erased in a single weekend of debauchery. So I hit the gym on Monday after weighing myself, and tried to kill off the remnants of a pretty decent hangover. Tuesday morning, I weighed myself again just to see what the deal was, and I was back to my week three weight, -5.6 pounds. I don't really know what happened, other than perhaps the combo of high sodium and lots of water consumed to kill the hangover left me looking at the scale in disbelief. I'm just glad that the weight gain wasn't permanent. I'm chalking that one up to a warning about working out, abusing alcohol, and not eating right.
The good news is this, after the initial panic of Monday, I continued the normal regimen, including a cardio kickboxing class, and lost another three pounds. So we're down 8.5 for the challenge, dear readers. Hoping that I can sneak out a serious come-from-behind victory, though it's looking doubtful at this point. I'm checking with Alice as we speak about the deadline for this contest, but it's coming down to the wire, and I've got some serious work to do. More to come soon.
So I'll give you an update now. The week four weight loss was either nil, or plus eight pounds, depending on a quirk of measurement. You see, the weekend that ended week four was spent in Louisville for my brother's 30th birthday. The diet that weekend mainly consisted of beer, whiskey, soda water and cheeseburgers. So I got back on Sunday, weighed myself on Monday, and the scale showed I had put on eight pounds. That was a bit of a shocker, as you can imagine. All my hard work had been erased in a single weekend of debauchery. So I hit the gym on Monday after weighing myself, and tried to kill off the remnants of a pretty decent hangover. Tuesday morning, I weighed myself again just to see what the deal was, and I was back to my week three weight, -5.6 pounds. I don't really know what happened, other than perhaps the combo of high sodium and lots of water consumed to kill the hangover left me looking at the scale in disbelief. I'm just glad that the weight gain wasn't permanent. I'm chalking that one up to a warning about working out, abusing alcohol, and not eating right.
The good news is this, after the initial panic of Monday, I continued the normal regimen, including a cardio kickboxing class, and lost another three pounds. So we're down 8.5 for the challenge, dear readers. Hoping that I can sneak out a serious come-from-behind victory, though it's looking doubtful at this point. I'm checking with Alice as we speak about the deadline for this contest, but it's coming down to the wire, and I've got some serious work to do. More to come soon.
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